What is grief?

Grief is the normal and natural reaction to a significant emotional loss. Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of, or change in, a familiar pattern of behavior.

What is intangible grief?

Some examples of intangible grief are betrayal and loss of trust, loss of safety, loss of fertility, separation from an old way of being, loss of control, and loss of faith, among many others.

What are examples of typical responses associated with grief?

Lowered concentration, disrupted sleep patterns, changed eating habits, a sense of numbness, and a rollercoaster of emotional energy, to name only a few.

How do I know if I, or someone I know, is incomplete with a loss?

Are you unwilling to think or talk about someone who has died or express feelings about other losses? If you want to talk only about a relationship's positive or negative aspects, you may be incomplete. Unresolved grief may be the root of any fear associated with thoughts or feelings about a relationship.

What are some things NOT to say to a griever?

• You’ll be fine in time.

• I know how you feel.

• You shouldn’t be feeling that way still.

• At least they’re in a better place.

• You’re young; you can still have other children.

• It was just a dog (cat, bird, etc.)

What are some things TO say to a griever?

• “I can’t imagine how you feel.” or “I can’t imagine how painful – devastating – heartbreaking – that must have been for you.” Every relationship is unique. Therefore, every Griever is unique. You cannot know how they feel, so this is always a truthful statement that will never offend the Griever.

• Do listen with your heart, not your head. Let all emotions be expressed without judgment, criticism, or analysis.

• Follow their words in your head as they are spoken. In other words, stay in the moment while they’re speaking. If you leave the moment for one second, you have become unsafe to talk to about Grief.

• Be empathetic. If you tear up during their story, let that be ok. You are allowed to be human while listening to another human. Doing this sets the tone in that interaction that sharing sad emotions is okay with you.